October Resolution

I've tried from time to time to apply Zen philosophy to my life as a means of achieving calm especially in the face of chronic pain.

Mindfulness, the idea of being in the moment as opposed to concentrating on one thing to the exclusion of all else-denying the migraine an opportunity to bog me down by expanding my mind beyond just those physical sensations, is my goal.

Or would be. To be honest I've done very little. Some, perhaps, during biofeedback training, and my escort exhorts me to think of lounging on a beach, or to practice biofeedback, or just to plain put my shoulders down when he sees me getting worked up over anything.

I don't think I have a baseline of stress that's any worse than anyone else's--especially when you take migraines out of the vicious loop. But added stress can push me over--that vague premigrainey feeling can become the real deal with a one paragraph email or a voice message measured in scant seconds.

I've breathed my way through other pains before, tried to open myself up and just flow with breath, using breathing as my markers, not feeling. But migraines come with so much other package--thinking or feeling my way out of sluggishness and nausea is considerably more complicated.

For the simple ones, with sinus involved (by simple I mean tightly focussed pain--these are like hot knitting needles being slid up my nose) and little else, I can take my mind off for a while. But many of the rest are more complex, and require more (or less?) work.

One general thing, something that doesn't have to wait for the onset of the next bout, is to inhabit the present more clearly. If I can pull my attention away from how long I've had the current headache, how little respite I've had recently and not be throwing out contingencies for the next ER visit or the next abortive drug, maybe I can lighten the load on my shoulders some, and leave myself with less to ignore the next time.

Well, that's the plan, at least.